Aftermath

So we did speak...and it was good.

I said what I had to and you listened...you were not distressed. You supported me and empathized with my feelings, though of course, not crossing some borders.

I can say I am officially forgetting you. But today, while looking for something else, I found something which reminded me of you. I had kept that on purpose, because of the intense memories it brought me. It was a bottle of perfume, which I was wearing when I went to see you that time when we sat on the benches in the beautiful external hall of your apartment building. You liked that perfume and you also said I was wearing too much hair gel, that my hair was nice anyway and I didn't have to wear it.

Today I opened that perfume bottle and felt its sweet fragrance, and a world of feelings rose to my consciousness from some deep unknown abyss they were resting. I still remember everything. I felt sad and frustrated and dropped a few tears instantly. Of course I felt again the need to be in that place with you, and these feelings clashed with the reality.

It's been three months I haven't come back to this place...it is a good sign, but still...I didn't expect to be here again. I realized I have been unhappy with the way I deal with certain things in my life, and I want to change myself.

Today is not a happy day.

I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything

What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end
You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of shit
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here

What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end

You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way