It's been a long time...read a few things here and now, trying to pick up from where I left off.
But it's difficult...a lot has changed since then.
What I can say is that those concerns of mine, about being myself and enjoying life have been pretty much dealt with.
I wouldn't say I'm completely changed now, but I can surely say I'm a more mature, clear-minded, self-attuned, self-loving person nowadays. It is something I had been struggling with since my teen years...and through time, conversation, good energies, good experiences, some thinking, some letting go and a lot of letting flow, I learned to love and value myself more. I think that this is one of the most important lessons I have ever learned in my entire life.
Not that I am a 100% self-steem monster, but then, who is like that and what is that good for, anyway? I've reached a decent level of self-steem and that is what matters now.
Right now, I have other concerns. They are somewhat connected to these issues, but in another level.
But I guess I won't be talking about them tonight, I'll leave them for some other time. This is going to be a different post, because I'm going to focus on the positive. Because, well, there's a lot of it, really.
In my life, I have always been provided for my basic needs - shelter and food have never been a problem. I have been in decent health and known security.
I have been able to connect with people in a variety of levels and ways. I have a lot of good true friends and some romatic/sex partners. I have known connection and pleasure.
I have been able to reach physical-oriented goals, such as running 15 km races and performing well in Kung Fu championships. I have known active self-realization,
I have been able to practice selflessness and to care for people. I have fallen in love and I've been loved. I have known love.
I have been able to communicate well and express myself in creative ways, such as RPG and music. I sang with my band at a wedding. I have known self-expression.
I have been able to develop my mental capacities. I published a book and wrote a thesis on environmental science. I have known clarity of thought.
I have been able to experience my spiritual life. I have gathered strenght from the spiritual planes and travelled outside the body. I have known my higher consciousness.
So, as much as I have faced difficulties, at the end of the day, I can have a thankful mindset, instead of a resentful one. I realized that if I was to die today, I would look back in my life and not only be free of regrets; I'd be proud of my path, my choices, my deeds, myself.
Life struggles come and go, it's nearly impossible to live free of them, each time in our lives there are different ones. On the other hand, our self-improvements, our achievements, our better selves - those will always be around to help us face whatever difficulties come our way. Each time we overcome a situation, we acquire new strenghts and abilities, and they become part of our whole self. I will trust my own ability to overcome situations, my capacity of maturing and self-developing.
Sometimes when we're deep down in the eye of the hurricane, we're unable to see this. But with a single sidestep, we can look at things from a different, fresh, lighter perspective. By writing this, I just realized that my current issues are no more than that - temporary problems which I will learn how to deal with. But the skills and improvements that will come along when overcoming them will be part of me from now on, making me foverer stronger, wiser, more beautiful, self-assured and self-loving.
It feels good being myself tonight, and I'll probably be able feel this way from now on...<3
